From loneliness to belonging

Do you ever feel like you have no one in your life?  Even if you spent the holidays with family or friends, maybe you’ve decided that you’re okay with isolation. Today we’re going to discover why it’s not okay to be alone and some practical ways to connect with others to improve your physical health and overall quality of life. 

Episode 147 from loneliness to belonging with Dr. Vickie Petz Kasper.

 It’s easy to believe you’re the only one, and think that others are leading perfect social lives, while you’re sitting at home, feeling isolated. Loneliness is considered an epidemic, and it affects people of all ages and all backgrounds, But when you’re isolated, it’s hard to know that what you’re feeling is common.

 So even if you feel alone in your feelings, remember, you’re not. Let’s take the argument that you’re the only one feeling this way off the table and talk about loneliness and how common it is. It is a human emotion that does not define your worth. People often internalize their loneliness as a personal failure or flaw, but it’s not. 

There’s a loneliness cycle. I’m okay by myself, followed by isolation, which then fosters a fear of being misunderstood or dismissed, and then that prevents you from opening up about loneliness.  Isolation can actually feel comfortable and safe.  There are lies we believe, like no one cares or I’m fine on my own and I don’t need anyone. 

Even God said it’s not good for man to be alone. We are created to be in community with others and prolonged loneliness can have significant consequences on your health. So I’m going to give you some practical tips on connecting with others. And listen, it’s never too late. Certain ages and stages are harder than others, but meaningful relationships are possible. 

After I got really sick, and then I got divorced, and then there was a pandemic, I felt lonely. And I didn’t want to admit it. It seemed like a weak word to tell people, I’m lonely. But I was.  But you know what? When you admit it, Sharing your feelings can lead to unexpected support and understanding. 

C. S. Lewis said, “Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another, What? You too? I thought I was the only one.”  And that’s what loneliness can do to you. Now, before I give you a prescription for connection, let’s go to Mini Medical School for a quick overview. And if you have not heard my previous episode on loneliness, I would recommend it and I’ll put a link in the show notes. And also, if this episode is a little heavy, listen to last week’s. It was funny. 

Chronic loneliness is linked to increased inflammation in the body, and that can damage your blood vessels and lead to cardiovascular diseases and increase the risk of high blood pressure, heart attack, stroke, and even dementia.  Loneliness also increases cortisol levels, and it also damages blood vessels and weakens the immune system.

And all of this can impair cognitive function. The amygdala gets sensitized and communicates with the prefrontal cortex. This is where we make decisions about our social behavior and It shows reduced activity when we’re lonely and that is why it can impair cognitive function and decision making. And the nucleus accumbens, which is the brain’s reward center, becomes less responsive, making activities that once brought you joy feel less rewarding.  

The impact on your physical health is significant as well. Social isolation and loneliness are linked to a higher risk of developing type 2 diabetes. The lack of social engagement can lead to unhealthy lifestyles, such as sitting in front of the TV, not being active, and eating junk. Loneliness can elevate your blood pressure, causing hypertension, and the stress response triggered by loneliness can lead to long term heart issues. Chronic loneliness can weaken the immune system, making you more susceptibl

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How food affects mood refresher

The holidays are coming fast. I hope you’re looking forward to gathering around the table, but sometimes family conflicts can Social anxiety and just the pressure to meet expectations can make you feel a sense of dread rather than anticipation.

Stay tuned for practical tips on navigating connections through the holidays.  This is episode 146, Navigating Connections During the Holidays.  Holiday stress is real.  I’ll bring the sweet potatoes, you bring the cranberry sauce, and someone, I’m not naming names, will bring a grudge, an attitude, or some equally distasteful dish. It can be challenging when we bring all our different personalities around the table.

 Whether it’s family, co workers, or friend groups, it’s enough to make you dread social gatherings. But it doesn’t have to be that way. Today you’ll learn some practical tips to help you navigate holiday gatherings so you get that boost of oxytocin that makes you feel oh, so good. By the end of this episode, you’ll be prepared to handle whatever is served this year. Except maybe fruitcake. No.   But I hope you’ll look forward to gatherings in anticipation and not dread. 

What is your family tradition? In my family, we joke that if we ever do something one time, my mom will say it’s a tradition and she will want to do it that way from then on. And listen, this is a double edged sword. On one hand, traditions are comfortable. We know what we’re doing, when we’re doing it, where we’re going, and there is no need for discussion or decisions.

And that can be nice. No pressure, right?  Well, the problem is, things always change. Kids grow up and get married. Or, people move away and have to take time off work to travel home. Or get divorced and kids have to split their time with each parent. Trust me, I know about these things. And to be honest, sometimes it still makes me mad. But I know it’s even harder for my grown kids. Feeling the pull of obligation is no fun. So, I try to be flexible to ease their stress. And some of you may not have family or a close knit group to celebrate with.

And that can magnify your loneliness. Isolation during the holidays is especially painful, and I’ve been there too. My kids live far away, and I was single for many years. And though I’m blessed to have a very loving family that get along, it’s not the same as it used to be when I set up card tables throughout the house, complete with tablecloths and centerpieces in my grandmother’s beautiful China. 

Now, maybe you’re one of those people who likes paper plates. I’m going to tell you the truth. It just hurts me. I mean, what is China for if it’s not for special occasions?  Okay, here’s what I just did. I inserted my expectations and my vision for the ideal holiday right here in the middle of the podcast.   While some of you think there’s incredible beauty in just walking to the trash can after a big dinner and dumping it all without having waterlogged hands from washing all those dishes.

And that, my friends, is a perfect example of conflicting expectations. No wonder it’s stressful. We just got crossways and I’m the only one doing the talking. Well, yes, and you see, that can be a problem too. Listen, stress during the holidays is nearly universal. In fact, it’s reported that the majority of adults deal with an extra dose of stress during the holidays.

For people who already struggle with their mental health, this can be serious.  Depression and anxiety can reach critical levels.  Loneliness during the holidays is often worse than loneliness on a pretty summer day. And loneliness increases the risk of heart disease, dementia, high blood pressure, stroke, and premature death. 

While we’re on the subject of physical health, let’s go to mini medical school and walk through some areas of the brain where we feel dread and anticipation. And yes, It’s in the same location, the amygdala. It’s a little almond shaped part of the brain that’s located deep in the temporal lobe and it’s part of the limbic system.

And this means that it’s intricately involved in processing memory and emotion. And boy, oh boy, don’t those two things go together like turkey and dressing.  Here’s what happens. You know that Aunt Edna has been invited to dinner. Aunt Edna, who criticizes what you cooked, your weight, and the color of your shirt.

That, Aunt Edna. You remember her, don’t you? Well, your amygdala certainly does, so it sends signals to other parts of the brain, like the hypothalamus, which mobilizes the troops and dumps cortisol and epinephrine into your system.  We call it the fight or flight response, but your mama isn’t going to let you fly away and she’s certainly not going to let you fight Aunt Edna.

So you’ll just have to sit there, heart pounding, palms sweating, and teeth clenched in dread.  But remember, anticipation is experienced in the exact same part of the brain and the amygdala plays a crucial role in that. in our responses, tapping into our memories from past holidays filled with either conflict or delight. 

Knowing neuroanatomy isn’t going to help you navigate holiday dinners, so what are we to do?  First of all, don’t ever let people push the buttons they installed. You know what I mean, they say this, you do that, rewind, repeat. Happens every time. In fact, you can see everyone’s face right from the start.

You’ve seen this play out before, I’m sure. So instead of dreading it, anticipate it. And, rehearse a different response.  She says, have you thought about trying a new diet? Or, I cannot believe you voted for,  Or, did your husband ever find a job so he could support you?  Without a plan, there’s usually a reaction and sometimes it’s nuclear.

Either sulled up and not talking or saying the exact same thing you said last year. Word for word.  But that’s not going to happen this year. Why? Because you’re going to have the tools to redirect the conversation. First of all, push pause. Remember lining up dominoes as a kid? You’d tap the first one and watch the chain reaction.

And that is exactly what Aunt Edna is doing. She’s tapping the dominoes, ready to see them fall. But, if you put just a little more space between her comment and your response, then you have the power to interrupt the cascade.  Try taking a deep breath in this space. In through your mouth, out through your nose, that’s it, one more time.

Now, smile.  It’s unexpected. Throws everyone off balance. I dare ya.  Now, you’re ready to respond because you’ve prepared a script for this in advance.  You knew she’d bring it up. She always does. But this time, you’ve rehearsed a different response, and you’re ready.  Don’t forget, your response is kind and it decompresses the tension. 

See? Wasn’t that easy?  No?  Okay, keep rewriting and rehearsing your response until you get it down.  And try asking questions. This is a non threatening form of conversation that can steer things in a different direction. You see, when you ask a question, multiple areas of your brain start to engage.

You start viewing the topic from a different angle and exploring different perspectives and you get a surge of serotonin, the happy hormone. The person being asked a question is now in the driver’s seat and it feels good with serotonin relaxing the brain, which results in thinking more clearly and having better insight and understanding.

of the whole picture. Now, that really was easier, wasn’t it?  Need more neurotransmitter weapons? Well, when you ask a question, the areas of the brain that are associated with reward and pleasure light up. Because curiosity is activated.  And, to top things off, dopamine is released. And that’s better than whipped cream on pumpkin pie. 

Oh, you don’t like pumpkin pie? Well, you probably don’t like my shirt either, but we’re not going to discuss that at the dinner table.  But think about it. When someone asks you a question, it interrupts the negative highway that your brain is traveling down and that’s And that can help with anxiety and stress and change the direction of your emotions.

When we’re trying to answer a question, we self reflect. And we get a grip on our emotions and run away thoughts. And the end result is better emotional regulation.  Asking questions helps you create openness and positive emotional connections with others.   And that releases oxytocin and love fills your home along with the aroma of roasting sweet potatoes.  Strong social connections increase our chances of longevity and boost our immune system by reducing inflammation, which is responsible for lots of negative health conditions.  It’s also associated with mental health benefits.

Lowering anxiety and depression, and boosting self esteem, empathy, and trust.  It all works to create a positive feedback loop. And it’s not just about having people around, it’s about the quality of those connections and how they contribute to our overall quality of life. 

So, next time you find yourself reacting, take a deep breath, smile, Rely on your rehearsed response and ask genuine questions. And listen, if they aren’t genuine, you’ve defeated the purpose. And the purpose is a better sense of mental and emotional well being for all.  Let’s don’t stop there. Let’s look at some of the other pillars of lifestyle medicine and how they can help you make a holiday memorable.

In a good way.  I hope you’re going into this holiday season with some good health habits like good quality sleep, regular activity, and nutritious eating. And listen, it’s not too late to start. There are some resources for you in the show notes to help, including an episode about how food affects mood. So let’s take a peek in the oven.

Many traditional holiday foods are packed with vitamins and minerals. Things like sweet potatoes and green beans. Also pumpkin, Brussels sprouts and cranberry add color and nutrients. On the other hand, fatty foods and rich sweet foods can lead to a sugar induced roller coaster of emotions. And overindulgence in caffeine, sugar, and alcohol don’t help either.

And neither do foods that are too high in salt. And all of this is more of a challenge if you’re a stress eater. The best advice I can give you is, fill up on the good stuff, and then enjoy all of your favorite foods in moderation.  Cook your sweet potatoes without heaps of butter and sugar and top with black beans instead. 

I’m sharing a recipe with my email followers, so sign up today if you aren’t on my list. And maybe leave off 3 pounds of cheese in the vegetable casseroles and just enjoy the taste of the vegetables instead.  It’s easy to just eat mindlessly, but instead, savor your food,

making conscious choices to maintain your health and mental well being.  And get up and move around. Incorporating physical activity into your holiday routine will give you an instant boost. Try it. You’ll actually have more energy. Physical activity helps you manage stress and improves mood by releasing endorphins and lowering cortisol. 

And you know what else helps? A good night’s sleep. And here’s the deal. Many people get less than adequate sleep, especially during the holidays. Well, let’s face it, some people just constantly struggle, and if this is you, you’re going to want to sign up to receive three simple steps to create the perfect sleep sanctuary. It’s a good way to get started getting your Z’s 

When you don’t sleep, you can’t regulate your emotions as well.  And we all know what happens when Aunt Edna pushes your buttons, and you’re sleep deprived. Handling holiday stress is hard enough without the added challenge of trying to function after tossing and turning all night. Decision making, problem solving, and memory are all part of the process.

You are all impacted by poor sleep. Don’t test your limits of dealing with difficult people and situations by staying up too late. You’ll be better able to control your reaction, plan and focus with a good night’s rest. Plus, without sleep, your immune system is weaker and a few germs are sure to be on the guest list at parties and holiday gatherings. 

Bronchitis?  Ain’t nobody got time for that.  I don’t mean to make it sound like getting together is hard. It’s hard. I mean, it can be, but it can also be super rewarding. Social interaction is crucial for good health. It’s worth the effort. So stay connected to family and your community.

During the holidays, there are extra opportunities to engage with church and philanthropic activities. And that goes a long way in reducing feelings of isolation and loneliness.  But listen, you can’t please everyone, so stop trying.  Spend some quality time with people who bring out the best in you. Enjoy the moments and be grateful.

 Gratitude goes a long way in bringing joy to the season. If you’re focused on thankfulness, you’ll be more resilient and less susceptible to stress because it lowers cortisol levels. Gratitude strengthens relationships, and you get a boost of oxytocin as a bonus.  If you missed the episode on gratitude, there are some practical tips there that I think you’ll find useful.

So I put a link in the show notes, but also make sure you’re on my email list because I created a lovely card to use to express your gratitude for others. And I believe this one action has the power to transform your holiday gathering. Be sure and sign up today. I hope you’ll take a moment to reflect on this past year and shift your focus to all the blessings that you’ve had.

And even if you’re struggling, take a hike, literally, get out in nature. You might be surprised at the difference being in God’s creation makes. And lastly, manage your expectations.   That starts with clear communication in advance. But don’t  think your plans are concrete. Things happen. Be flexible and let go of perfection.

Trying to control all the details will make you and everyone around you miserable. The holidays can certainly bring mixed feelings and extra helpings of stress. So, set some boundaries for yourself when you need to. My oldest daughter turned 35 this week, and I remember when she was born, just a little bit before Thanksgiving. Our pediatrician recommended that we not travel even the 30 minutes to feast with family. And listen, after the delivery that I had, I was just fine with that,  but my in laws showed up anyway with leftovers in Tupperware containers and they passed my little baby around from person to person.

I was exhausted emotionally, physically, and mentally. And the last thing I needed was wall to wall people in my tiny little apartment. So guess what I did?  I went to bed and I took my baby with me. Yep, it might have been 6 p. m., but I was at my limit and I knew it and that is how everyone got out unharmed.

So give yourself permission to shut the door and lay down if you need to.  And remember to be flexible. Thanksgiving 2020 fell in the middle of the COVID pandemic. I was chief medical officer of a hospital and the toll the virus took on my little community was enough to give me pause about hosting my elderly parents, Toddler grandbaby, and everyone in between.

So guess what I did? I covered my patio tables with tablecloths, hauled my dining room chairs outside, and carefully put china and silverware at each place setting. Because we weren’t going to use paper plates. Fortunately, it was a balmy day and we sat together as families. And here’s the deal.

Thanksgiving’s run together in my memory But that one stands out. So embrace the opportunity to be flexible. You might just make a lasting memory, rather than allowing an inconvenience to ruin the season.  But if you have particularly difficult challenges, It might help to visit with a counselor to help you navigate your dread.

Because if you prepare, you can look forward to the holidays with a jolly, healthy attitude. 

And remember, if you missed last week’s episode, I highly recommend it. Of course, there’s a link in the show notes, and if you’re on my email list, you’ll be getting that downloadable card to help you focus on the positives and be grateful for the people in your life. And you know, if you have difficult people in your life, Be thankful you have people in your life.

Pray about it, show compassion, empathy, patience and appreciation, and see if it doesn’t change the atmosphere. If you can go into the holidays with a healthy attitude, it can be a blessing for you and your family, and healthy looks great on you.  

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How food affects mood refresher

It’s that time of year. 30 days of thankfulness and a whole month focused on gratitude. Does it ever feel like life isn’t so great as everyone else’s? Well, stay tuned, friends. I’m going to show you the way to a grateful heart and how it changes your brain.

I don’t know about you, but I always check my Facebook memories.  It’s a repository of the seasons of my life, both good and bad.  And I remember one November, I accepted the challenge to post 30 days of thankfulness.  And about this time of the month, I posted, “Today, I am thankful that I resisted the urge to run over someone in the grocery store with my cart.”

Nothing like a little honesty. Let’s be real. Sometimes, the holidays can make you feel down and anxious. There’s cooking and shopping and parties to go to.  Or, maybe not, and that’s equally depressing.  This has everything to do with your health. Not only is social connectedness super important but gratitude can literally change your brain.

So, instead of fantasizing about ramming that person who irritated you in the grocery store, how about a changed heart?  Out of the overflow of the heart, the mouth speaks.  So, that’s a pretty good diagnostic tool about where you are right now. And listen, if you’re struggling, you’re in the right place.

I’ve been there and I can help you see the bright side. But first, let’s go to mini medical school and learn some brain anatomy and physiology. And by the way, if you want to meet some cutthroat people, hmm, med school is the place. But, we won’t dwell on that.

I’ve had the privilege of working with so many wonderful doctors and nurses during my career, and I’m grateful for it.  Let’s start in the middle of the brain. Now move down below the thalamus, but above the brain stem, and you’ll find an area of the brain called the ventral tegmental area.  Now why are we here in this deep place in the brain?

Well, you see, This area of our brain is our built in reward center. It’s involved in not only reward and pleasure, but also motivation, emotional regulation, learning and cognition, which is a fancy word for thinking. Hopefully, if you’ve been listening to this podcast for very long, some of this is going to sound familiar.

 The ventral tegmental area contains dopaminergic neurons.  That just means nerve cells that make and release  dopamine. Yes, good old dopamine. That fuels our sensation of pleasure, motivates us to seek more and feel that good reward. 

If you’ve missed some of the recent episodes of Mood, you might want to go back and listen to them. And, by the way, don’t miss another episode. Sign up for the email list, and I’ll send them straight to your inbox, so all you have to do is push play.  You know where the ventral tegmental area is, what it does.

Now, what does that have to do with gratitude? Think of it as buried treasure. Deep in the brain, this connection of pathways is a treasure trove of pleasure. Dopamine gets released when you practice gratitude, and it just feels good to be grateful.

 A friend of mine always told her children, put that in your treasure chest of memories. I think that’s good advice. In other words, make deposits so you’ll have something special to pull out. This reward circuitry is like buried treasure with connections to other structures in the brain called the mesolimbic pathway. 

This network includes the nucleus accumbens, the prefrontal cortex, the amygdala, and the hippocampus.  Okay, before we get lost, Suffice it to say, gratitude activates the ventral tegmental area to release dopamine to the nucleus accumbens. And listen, you’re gonna like it. In fact, your brain will like it so much, it’ll make you want to do it over and over again.

And just think, being grateful is what activates it.  Gratitude can lead to better mental health, including less depression and anxiety. Overall, emotional well being tends to be higher in people who practice gratitude. Let’s face it, when we focus on being thankful, it changes our perspective and helps us be happier, or at least have more positive emotions than negative ones.

Gratitude can also improve sleep quality, which of course affects mood. I mean, who isn’t grouchy when they don’t get enough shut eye? Sleep is so important, but it can be complicated. And if you struggle to get a good night’s sleep, I have some resources for you. Check it out in the show notes.  When you have an attitude of gratitude, it also affects your relationships.

People who are focused on what’s right, instead of what’s wrong, tend to have stronger bonds with friends and spouses and any romantic relationship.  There’s more of a sense of trust, connection, and commitment. And social connectedness is one of the pillars of lifestyle medicine because it’s crucial for good health, both physical and emotional.

In fact, the effects on physical health are so significant.

People who are full of gratitude tend to have a stronger immune system, as well as lower blood pressure.  Gratitude makes us more resilient, so we can control our emotions when we are faced with stress and trauma.  Now, I’m going to give you some practical ways to start practicing gratitude. But first, a little neurochemistry. 

Gratitude has the power to reduce cortisol levels. Now, who remembers what cortisol is nicknamed?  If you said the stress hormone, you get an A.  Gratitude helps us relax and be more calm and peaceful. In the episode on how food affects mood, I nicknamed all the neurotransmitters to help you remember. And if you forgot or missed that episode, there’s a link in the show notes, but all of them are involved in regulating mood and all of them are affected by gratitude. 

Gratitude causes your brain to release dopamine, which is associated with pleasure and reward. This makes us feel happy and satisfied. And guess what happens then? Well, you feel grateful. And that sets it all in motion again.  In health, we often talk about a vicious cycle.  This is a victorious cycle. 

Serotonin levels also increase with gratitude. And remember, serotonin is the happy hormone. It helps alleviate anxiety and improves mood and makes us feel calm. Yes, I’ll take some of that, please.  Oxytocin is also released when we feel grateful, especially in social situations. And remember, oxytocin   is the love hormone.

So when we’re grateful, levels go up, that strengthens trust, and trust is the foundation of any relationship. So more oxytocin means more connectedness, And that’s great for your health.   Another benefit is the release of endorphins. And those are those natural painkillers that lower stress and make you just feel good all over.

And just think, you don’t even have to run a marathon to get a runner’s high. Now that’s something to be grateful for. Okay, now that I’ve convinced you that gratitude is a mood booster, let’s talk about some practical things you can do. But first  You have to shift your focus. If you focus on things that are good, that you can be grateful for, then you can practice gratitude. 

And it may take some practice like anything else.  

Once you’ve shifted your perspective, and you’re looking for things to be grateful for, you’ll find them. And here’s how you can practice gratitude.

1. Count your blessings out loud to yourself.  There is something powerful about saying it. When I was so sick, I could hardly walk and my life was crumbling around me. This practice was a lifesaver.  Listen, I was at the edge of despair, but every morning before dawn, I’d drag myself to the front porch and sit there and count my blessings out loud, starting with Thank you Lord that I was born healthy, because many are not.

Now this is scientifically proven to improve your life, and one of the studies was even on people with neuromuscular diseases.  The autoimmune disease that I have that caused my illness was a neuromuscular disease and I thought that was pretty cool. 

2. Talk about it with others. Tell other people what you’re grateful for and thank them for being in your life.And trust me, they’ll want to be around you more if you’re focused on the good in life.  Now listen, this is not Pollyanna pretend everything is okay when it isn’t. That’s called toxic positivity. You need friends in your life who can help you shoulder your burdens. That’s real connection. But, if you constantly vomit your story of woes on people, they’re not going to want to be around you. And you need to shift your focus. Express your gratitude for friends who help you through the hard times. 

3. Write it down for yourself. Keep a gratitude journal. Write down at least three things every day that you’re thankful for, and preferably do this first thing in the morning to start your day with your brain circuitry working for you rather than against you. Studies show that this helps lower depression and alleviate stress and it’s associated with positive emotions, life satisfaction, and optimism. And we all need a dose of hope, don’t we?  Keeping a bedtime gratitude journal is a great way to improve sleep. This is a fantastic way to start and end the day. 

4. Write it down for others.  Literally send thank you notes or even just a text message to people in your life who you care about. Writing gratitude letters has been proven to improve your health.  And not only that, it will improve the lives of those people who are in your world.  So what are you thankful for?  Here’s the deal. One of the areas of the brain in this loop is the prefrontal  cortex. 

This is the area of the brain right behind your forehead where we make decisions, solve problems, and control our emotions.  Think about it.  See what I did there? If you’re going to think about it, you’re going to think about it in your prefrontal cortex.  

And gratitude enhances the brain’s ability to see the world with a positive outlook and improve mood and emotional regulation. All of that happens right there. And gratitude helps your thinking brain dig into that treasure chest in the middle of the brain to activate all those pathways to release feel good chemicals.

The ventral tegmental area will start cranking out dopamine and activate the nucleus accumbens and that floods you with the warm fuzzies.  And then it motivates you to live that way. It becomes a habit. But here’s the deal.  You have to choose it.  And, why wouldn’t you choose it?     I hope by understanding the neurochemistry of gratitude, You’re ready to put it into practice and improve your mental and physical well being, as well as your relationships. Remember, it’s all a matter of focus.  Incorporate gratitude into your daily routine with prayer, journaling, and expressing thanks to others.

In fact, I have my own thankfulness challenge for you.  Now, I don’t know if you send out Christmas cards, But, how about sending out an actual thank you card to someone just because?  This year, I’m hosting Thanksgiving dinner, and I’ll have a card for everyone around the table. And, if my family is tuning in, maybe they’ll have some too. 

Wouldn’t it be nice to give and receive thank you cards for Thanksgiving and all year round? 

And if you’re up for more of a challenge, here’s an idea from one of my listeners. A gratitude jar. Start on New Year’s Day with some type of jar, and every time you’re thankful for someone,  put a little note in the jar. And then at the end of the year, send it to them. I got one of these notes one time, and it was so meaningful. It blessed both of us.  

If you’re on my email list, I’ll send out a lovely card that you can download and give to those you care about. And if you aren’t, it’s not too late. I’ll send it out every week until Thanksgiving.  You can sign up at www.healthylooksgreatonyou. com  

Download it and pass it on. Give it a try and see if it improves your mood and your health. Because healthy looks great on you.    

 Healthy Looks Great on You website

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Sleep resources

How food affects mood refresher

Mood swings. Things they can trap you in an endless rotation of anxiety, the blues and a big old energy crash. But how do you break out of the cycle and stabilize your mood?

The problem with mood swings is that they trick you into turning to things that feed them instead of helping you get out of the cycle.  Ah, I guess you could say that moodiness is hungry and greedy.  When we feel down or anxious, we “need” something to feel good or heck even feel close to normal. Think about it.

Do you ever grab an extra dose of caffeine to feel more energized. A glass of wine to feel more relaxed. Or do you just treat yourself to a little dessert or a snack to boost your spirits.  Today in mini medical school, let’s do some dissection. Except there won’t be. Any nasty formaldehyde involved.

Do kids even still do that in school? I remember getting that little kit with a dull scalpel, some forceps that wouldn’t grab tissue and scissors fit for kindergartener.

We had all get a white mouse stiff and stinky. I don’t know about you, but that sure brings back some memories. And I’m sure of one thing you either loved it or hated it. Ah, I’ll give you one guess about me. Yeah, it was fascinating to peel back the layers of skin and muscle and fascia. Okay, enough review of history.

Let start peeling back the layers of how caffeine, sugar and alcohol affect mood.  I’m going to start with my drug of choice. Caffeine. And this one is really pretty complex because here’s the deal. There are a lot of studies that show that coffee and tea have significant health benefits.  So please hear me.

I am not telling you to avoid them. Today, we’re just discussing the role that caffeine plays to influence mood.  And like many relationships. Caffeine’s relationship with mood and mental health is complicated.  We all know that caffeine can boost our energy, help us focus and motivate us to tackle that to do list. And if you’re like me, you can’t even function until you’ve drained a couple of cups of coffee in the morning. And listen. That’s not a problem, unless you’re stuck somewhere in a coffee desert. Once I went on a mission trip and the women stayed in a bunk house on one side and the men stayed on the other. And here’s the part that’s really unfair. The kitchen and therefore the coffee pot, were on the men’s side and it was absolutely off limits until the lights came on. Now we were two times zones away, so my early bird self was wide eyed and bushy tailed at 3:00 AM.  I managed to lay there for a couple of hours, but by five am, which was two hours past my normal waking time, I was desperate. And when I say desperate, I mean, desperate. Fortunately, I never travel without a little sleeve of instant coffee.  Yeah, I know. The problem is all I  had was a bottle of room temperature water that I had sipped out of the day before.

Yes I did. I emptied those glorious grounds into that plastic bottle and started shaking it.  One of the ladies literally opened one eye and said,  You have a problem, don’t you.  Maybe.  But as a general rule, regularly consuming coffee or tea is not a problem. Unless you start using caffeine reactively for energy dips, deadlines, or excessive fatigue.

The truth is. Is 90% of all adults in the entire world consume caffeine daily.  Before we move on, let’s go to the classroom and study caffeine.

The benefits come from polyphenols, catechins and flavonoids. Here’s how it works. It amps up the nervous system, both the central and peripheral nervous system, by blocking the adenosine receptors and that in turn causes the release of neurotransmitters that excite the nervous system.

And individuals who regularly drink coffee and tea, actually perform better on cognitive performance test. They can have a better reaction time. And they can have better processing of what they see.

Caffeine makes you more alert, gives you mental energy, helps you concentrate.   And yeah, it helps when you’re fatigued and your’re sleep deprived.

And it can eliminate headache. And that’s why it’s actually included in some headache medications, but that can be a vicious cycle and you can get a withdrawal headache.

When you drink caffeine, it can also make you more nervous, more sweaty. It can interfere with your sleep. It can make you irritable.  And sometimes it can even elicit a panic attack.  Especially in people who already have some anxiety or are susceptible to the effects of caffeine.

Now safe levels are considered to be 400 milligrams a day. Heavy coffee use is considered to be more than five cups of coffee a day.  It can increase your heart rate. And it can aggravate symptoms of gastroesophageal reflux disease because of its acidity.  And timing matters too.

The half-life of a cup of coffee is about five to six hours. Meaning that if you drink coffee at three o’clock in the afternoon, it will affect you at 9:00 PM.

And also you can develop some tolerance, so that it takes more and more to get the same effect. You know,  too much of a good thing always is a bad thing. Normally I drink two cups of coffee every morning, black, by the way, that’s  a total of 280 milligrams. My husband makes it the night before.

So it’s at my fingertips as soon as I slip my feet into my house shoes and walk into the kitchen. But the other day, he forgot to make the coffee.  When I woke up the pot was dry.  Instead of making a pot of coffee, I popped in K cup so I could instantly get my fix, then I did it again because it was five 20 in the morning and he didn’t have to go to work until late that day. But when he got up and brewed a pot it’s smelled so inviting. I thought.  I’ll just have one more cup.

Now, normally I don’t consider myself prone to anxiety, but my life has been invaded. By termites. Yes termites. Apparently they’d been chewing on my house for awhile. I’m talking through the window frame downstairs, the window frame upstairs and all the way to the studs. The front of my house  has been boarded up.

My dining room table has been in the entryway. And there have been people inside my house, sawing hammering and vacuuming for more than a week.  Oh, on top of that, my neighbor has a big project going on and they decided to repave my street. The smell of fresh asphalt, the fact  that the garbage trucks couldn’t get through to pick up my trash and the sound of beeping trucks and people working was enough to drive anyone nuts.  But you want to know what the final straw was for me?  That third cup of coffee. I sweated.

I snapped. Even at my sweet mother.  Maybe you haven’t noticed that dramatic of an effect. But maybe you just haven’t made the connection. And there is no doubt that caffeine can trigger anxiety. And make existing anxiety worse.  And it affects sleep 100% of the time. You may fall asleep, but studies show that the quality of your sleep is undeniably affected by caffeine.  And speaking of sleep,

if this is something you are interested in, or if you struggle with it you’re going to want to make sure you’re on my email list because I have some exciting things coming soon about sleep. There is a link in the show notes to sign up to get the emails.

Lack of sleep has a profound impact on your health. In fact the risk of dementia and stroke are markedly increased if you don’t get seven hours a night.

And here’s another thing, if you’re exhausted, what you need is rest, not something that masks your fatigue and pushes you to do the opposite of what your body needs.

Occasionally it doesn’t hurt to get a little extra boost from a cup of coffee or tea. And I’m addicted to caffeine without it, my head hurts, my brain shuts down. And I will hurt you.  Like many substances, there is a dependency cycle. Now I have no desire to cut back on coffee, but. I do recognize that two cups is enough. No more. No less, because if I indulge in more, you might not want to be around me.  I know that my circadian rhythm is in sync with this consumption between 5:00 AM and 6:00 AM.  It’s important for everyone to have a cutoff time and it should be no later than 2:00 PM, because if you think you can drink a cup of coffee and go straight to bed and sleep.  You’re fooling yourself because the quality of your sleep is affected even when you don’t realize it.

And to be clear, although there are health benefits to black coffee and unsweet tea, there are no benefits to sugar sweetened, caffeinated beverages.

I’m talking about mountain Dew, Coke, Dr. Pepper, and. I guess if you live somewhere where it’s socially acceptable, Pepsi.

And listen. The biggest. The source of added sugar in the U.S. Diet is drinking it.  I’m talking soft drinks, energy drinks sports drinks, even things like vitamin water. They have a lot of sugar in them and it’s a lot of unnecessary calories and that can cause weight gain and type two diabetes, which increases your risk for heart. Disease and stroke.

And the connection is really very strong.

There’s a, there’s an increased risk of dying early, especially. Specially from heart disease. How much more? Well, if you drink. Two or more a day it’s actually over 30% higher. And it’s worse if you’re a woman.   Energy drinks usually contain around 200. Milligrams. So a couple of those is pushing the limits.

If you’re drinking too much caffeine or sugar sweetened beverages. You may have to wean slowly to avoid withdrawal.  Start by switching to half caff or drinking only half of your soda.

It’s important to make mindful adjustments and try not to use caffeine to medicate fatigue. Be aware of how caffeine affects your mood and sleep. And be sure to hydrate with water.  Food helps too, especially getting some protein in your stomach because coffee on an empty stomach can be very acidic. It can also. Interact with medications affecting absorption.

So be sure and talk to your pharmacist or doctor about that.  So, what do you do when you get that afternoon slump.  Well,  it up and move. Often people feel fatigued in the afternoon because they’re sitting or maybe they’re just bored. So try getting your blood pumping to give you a boost of energy. And make sure and get sunlight in the morning to ensure that your circadian rhythm is optimized.  That means having good sleep hygiene.  And remember if your body is screaming for rest, rather than overriding your body’s signals with caffeine learn to work with your natural energy rhythms.

Before we move on to sugar’s impact on mood, let’s talk about alcohol.

And adult beverage can make you relax and give you relief from feeling tense. It can even make you feel happy. But then it turns on you making anxiety and depression worse. It even depletes your serotonin levels. And it has a huge impact on your circadian rhythm disrupting sleep, which only makes matters worse. It’s a double-edged sword.

You have to drink to relax then you need to drink to relax. Alcohol is a temporary escape from stress. And it tricks you into thinking it will help you unwind and sleep better. But it doesn’t.  Using alcohol as a coping tool for stress, anxiety,

or social situations. Can lead to dependence.  Now in the short term, it boosts gaba, which is a calming neurotransmitter. That’s why you feel relaxed and it increases dopamine, which is that reward hormone that makes you feel temporary pleasure.   It reduces activity in the part of your brain called the prefrontal cortex. That’s where the worry cycle spins and spins. So it settles that down.  And then it disrupts glutamate which impairs your judgment. And then it has a rebound effect. GABA levels, drop anxiety increases.  And cortisol goes up.

There’s an inflammatory response in the body that affects mood. And it has a long-term impact on mental health, depleting serotonin which increases the risk of depression. And the natural stress response system is disrupted.

Overall, it weakens your resilience to life stressors by changing the brain’s reward circuitry. And creating a dependency cycle for emotional regulation.  So, what do you do? Well, it might help to keep a diary. Like see what your mood is in relation to your intake of alcohol. Awareness is key. And note the three R’s. What is the reason you’re drinking?

What is the response to drinking and what is the result to drinking. And maybe track your sleep quality too.  Practical steps would be established some drink free times. And see if that makes a difference.  And sometimes you have to create a new ritual. Instead of responding to those triggers by fixing a drink.

Here’s the scary thing. Excessive alcohol use is the leading preventable cause of death in the United States now. And yet it’s the most common substance used among people aged 12 and over in the United States, in fact, 85% of all adults drink alcohol. And the effects are worse in women.  You have to learn radical acceptance and radical honesty  and learn to sit with uncomfortable emotions.  And don’t forget those natural endorphin boosters, like exercise and laughter and music.  And learn stress management techniques like breathing and meditation and prayer.  Building your emotional regulation skills  will keep you from using alcohol.  to control your mood. Because, you know, it doesn’t work. Alcohol actually borrows happiness from tomorrow. So building natural resilience, let’s you.  own your joy today.  Okay, now let’s talk about sugar.  Who hasn’t felt blah, and reached for a sweet treat t to reward yourself.  Honestly, this gets ingrained in kids at an early age. I mean. What did you hand out to the trick-or-treaters at your door? And worse than once a year, we send our kids to church on Sunday and they feed them donuts, goldfish and apple juice.

And then we wonder why they have a meltdown in the car on the way home. It’s a great way to ruin a Sunday, whether you’re a kid or a grown-up.  Sugar puts you on an emotional rollercoaster. You get the thrill of a quick release of dopamine. And followed by a drop in blood sugar, which causes a sugar crash: irritability, fatigue and mood swings. And it’s not just external.

There is a lot of research on sugar and inflammation and what it does to the brain, not just for short term mental health, but for long-term cognitive function.  Here’s what happens. There’s a rapid spike in blood sugar and you get an immediate lift in your mood and energy. Then there’s an insulin surge, which causes blood sugar to crash.  That triggers the dopamine reward system in the same way that any addictive substance does. It causes that inflammation and affects brain chemistry.

It can cause a craving cycle.  And then you can get into an emotional eating pattern that gets reinforced by all of this.  The long-term effect can be an increased risk of depression and anxiety. Not to mention disrupting the gut microbiome because of all the effects of neurotransmitter production.

And when you eat food, that’s not good for you, it takes the place of food that is good for you. So you can get nutrient depletion and that certainly affects mental health.

So what’s a person to do. Number one -understand your triggers. Know what triggers you to reach for caffeine or alcohol or sugar to treat your mood.  And really be aware of emotional eating patterns. Or drinking patterns. There are certain times of the day when we’re more vulnerable to these things than others. So rather than reaching for a drink or going to the pantry to treat your mood,  develop other habits that are better, like exercise, social connectedness and even just laughter.

In the end, you’ll be happier and you’ll probably live longer. Recognize the connection that alcohol, and sugar and caffeine have on your mood and look for hidden sugar sources because this one can really sneak up on you.

Make sure you’re getting a diet that’s rich in fruits and vegetables and whole grains, so that you have a healthy gut microbiome. There are some other episodes you may want to listen to, to get a more detailed review of this.

But the bottom line is this build new habits. Make sure that you have tools to regulate your emotions and to manage your stress.  You might need to make gradual adjustments to find alternatives and establish new routines and sustainable. habits. But in the end, your energy levels will be stable, you will be genuinely relaxed and you’ll have emotional balance.

It’s better to regulate your mood naturally so you feel healthy.  And healthy looks great on you.

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